Anger Scale

An anger scale is a tool we use to help people identify how their anger builds. Often times, clients will remark “my temper goes 0-90 miles per hour in a flash, I don’t know when it is coming). That is a sign that client is on “auto-pilot” when angry. The key to changing the behavior is to slow down the process so you can identify the subtleties that occur at different stages. This exercise is helpful to do with someone who has witnessed how your anger builds. We often don’t have good insight to our own behavior when we are in the midst of anger, so the other view point can be very helpful.

I have clients begin at the end with this scale. I want them to describe their most angry episode. This is usually embarrassing as angry behavior is not a proud moment to remember. Write down your most extreme behavior when angry, do you hit people or things such as doors, walls, ect. Do you break things? Is there screaming, yelling cursing? Are you in someone’s face? Do you use things to hit others, such as a shoe, a book, anything that is handy? Those are the behaviors you write in the spot marked 10. That is how you and others will know you are at a 10. Now go to the 5 spot. Describe what your moderately angry behavior is like. Is it recognizable in your tone? Is there sarcasm, a harsh tone, or a loud volume? Perhaps, there is silence, a seething anger. Write down what your moderately angry behaviors are like in the 5 spot on the scale. The more detail you can provide the more useful the tool.

Sometimes when we reach a spot in the anger scale, it is enough and our response results in less anger, and we cool off. Sometimes, anger, generates more anger. That happens when the wheels start turning and we are thinking of all the injustices we have suffered; or perhaps all of the things that went wrong today. In any case, our thoughts are helping to generate more anger, and more angry behavior. Let’s look at what happens when your 5 just became a 6. How is your behavior different at a 6? Are you popping your knuckles, perhaps pacing the floor, perhaps a more intense look or more intensity in your voice. Perhaps that is when the cussing begins, or you raise your voice. Write what is true for you. Suppose that outburst didn’t satisfy, and the anger continues to build? What is your behavior like at a 7? What are the thoughts that usually accompany this behavior? Is that your point of no return? The point of no return is when your anger is unstoppable. The point of no return is where your behavior escalates to a 10.

Now go back and look at the lower numbers of the scale. What happens at a 3or a 4. What is your behavior? Are you rolling your eyes, or muttering, perhaps name calling? Write what is true for your behavior. Is your point of no return in these lower numbers? If so, you will have some work ahead of you to make changes in your relationship to anger. Likely, if your point of no return is achieved in the lower numbers, you are using your angry behavior to manipulate those around you. This is your perceived power. People are probably afraid of you and try to either avoid you, or keep you happy. You may struggle with changing your behavior because initially, you will feel powerless. When you stop scaring people, they stop being afraid. When they stop being afraid, they are more likely to voice their true likes, dislikes, and opinions. Can you see the conflict building? Why would you want to change your angry behavior? It has served you as a power tool for so long. Angry behavior burns bridges. Eventually, your little island becomes very lonely without relationships. We need people to be complete, happy, and fulfilled. Our relationships are what define us. If you look around and realize you don’t have any close relationships, you must look at your own behavior for some clues. You cannot have true closeness or intimacy in a relationship without being able to hear and accept others, including their conflicting views. That journey will need to begin with you. Your journey to relationships with others begins with the relationship you have with yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect before you can be in relationships with others. We are humans, and a work in progress. I hope this anger scale helps you to begin the progress you want to make.